Why Is Love not a Gift but a Challenge?
When we think about love, we imagine lovely pictures of romantic kisses, exciting adventures, and living happily ever after. Why do we always forget about the other things that stand behind these nice images? Why don’t we remember fights, tears, and broken hearts? The answer is simple – we don’t want to. It is easier to take love as a dream, not reality.
Such unrealistic beliefs are the root of all the conflicts in romantic relationships. We should remember that love is not a blessing or a present of fate. It is a complex and fragile structure built on the foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and trust. And we have to work on our relationships all the time. Otherwise, they won’t last long.
The most important thing that we have to understand is that there is no perfectly compatible partner for every human being. Moreover, most people are totally incompatible. We are too weird for each other. Would you like to meet a person who behaves and thinks exactly like you? If your answer is “yes,” try to recall all the episodes of your life that you regret about or you’re ashamed of. Have you changed your mind? Nobody is perfect, so we have no right to demand perfection from others while we keep making mistakes.
True love is our willingness to be as compatible with our partner as possible. We have to be ready to teach them and to learn from them. That’s one more essential aspect of good relationships. Our partners are the only ones who can honestly tell us about our weaknesses. Parents don’t do that because they love us too much. Our friends don’t do that because they don’t care about our self-development. But when we hear the words of criticism from our loved ones, we take it as an attack.
Remember that our partners don’t want to humiliate us or make fun of us. They simply try to make us into better people.
Another problem that we frequently face in romantic relationships is our partner’s unwillingness to share his or her thoughts and feelings. Let’s imagine a typical situation: your boyfriend or girlfriend is in a bad mood and doesn’t even try to hide this fact. You ask a logical question like, “what’s wrong?” or “is everything okay?” And what do they usually do? Right, they say something meaningless and then start sulking.
The explanation of such irrational behavior is simple: they want to be understood without words. You see, in our imaginary world, true lovers always guess what is on our minds. They don’t need any hints because they love us so much. Nonsense! Of course, they love you. But it doesn’t mean that they can read your thoughts. Your partners are not the parents of a two-year-old child who can’t speak properly. They will do everything to comfort you, but you have to tell them what’s wrong. There is nothing difficult about it.
You see, being loved is easy and delightful. Loving is much more tricky. In truth, loving is a skill that has to be trained. Many people think that loving doesn’t require learning and that we can love someone following our emotions and instincts. That’s so not true.
True love is challenging, hard work. It is teaching and learning. It is your willingness to become a better person for your lover. Love can be a gift, but only a deserved one.